Untitled-322 By Jay Goodman
Very often our old habits get in the way and to a certain extent can prevent us from becoming the person we could become. I also believe it prevents us from choosing happiness, of course happiness means different things to different people. I do realize that each person has their own imagination of what happiness is, but I have wondered if the people around me have really ever sat down to think of what true happiness means.
Through my years in prison, I have listened to the prisoners talk about what they did before coming to prison, and I have listened to what they want when they leave prison, for the most part, I have heard how they want to be rich, how they want this type of fantasy car, this type of watch, ring or special necklace. I hear how they want this type of home and how they all want all these different women. It is amazing to see what a lot of people believe happiness to be. While I am a firm believer in having dreams, I can’t help but wonder if the men I’ve been around truly believe these things will give them happiness. The sad thing is, yes, they do, I wondered also how a person could believe these things would give them happiness. While I understand most people want to be rich and have a life they fantasized about. I see nothing wrong with acquiring wealth, but if you are believing it will bring you happiness, you are sadly mistaken. Money does not bring you true happiness, only financial freedom, and to prove my point, there are many people of wealth that are miserable, and there are people that are poor that are happy. Happy isn’t an object, it isn’t something you have, true happiness can only come from inside each person. Too many people equate happiness with success, physical pleasure and fun. These are all myths that only district us from pursuing true happiness. Happiness is not success, what level of success do you imagine will make you happy? I promise everyone reading this that happiness that comes from achievement of success is short lived, because as soon as people reach one point of success, they will be looking at what to do next. It seems those who were happy before their success are still happy and their success has given them increased happiness. But for those who were not happy before their success are still not happy and, in some cases, they are unhappier than ever before.
Success contributes to our happiness only as much as it helps us become the best version of ourselves, happiness is not physical pleasure, it can be sustained, but for how long can you enjoy the pleasure of food before it turns to pain? How long can the pleasure of sexual intimacy be sustained? How long can you indulge in the pleasure of alcohol or drugs before the high turns into a low? Physical pleasure is fleeting and when detached from our essential purpose leaves emptiness as its aftermath. Physical pleasure creates lasting happiness in our lives only when it helps us become the best version of ourselves. Happiness is not fun, most people believe that the more fun they experience, the happier they will be. Children are the perfect example of that it is inconceivable for them that happiness is anything more than fun. Believing that the more fun we have, the happier we will be, we also tend to choose friends we think will contribute to the fun factor. How important is fun to your conception of happiness? Close your eyes for a moment and imagine a scene filled with happy people laughing, eating, drinking or partying. Very few people conjure a picture of a woman sitting quietly on her porch swing, enjoying a great book or a man enjoying his vegetable garden, a couple married for thirty-five years walking hand in hand down a beach. If I were to look inside my heart, one of my own happiest thoughts was holding my daughter Jennie in my arms while she fell asleep or when I took my wife through the streets of Rome late at night, walking for hours, enjoying all the beauty.
Our conception of happiness is often fatally flawed by the belief that fun equals happiness, don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting you should spend your life avoiding fun, fun is an important part of a healthy, happy life, but for fun’s sake, rarely leads to any type of lasting happiness. The challenge is to learn to have fun doing the things that matter most. Fun increases our happiness when it is infused into those activities that help us become the best version of themselves. Your ability to experience happiness will be limited only by your ability to grasp the meaning and purpose day of your life. In every decision, we choose happiness or misery, when we choose to become the best version of ourselves, we choose happiness and when we choose by default to become a second-rate version of ourselves, we choose misery. A lot of people in prison have it in their minds that fun is drinking, doing drugs living the life of a gangster. Even in prison, most prisoners are focused on getting high, drinking, gambling, selling drugs or talking about doing the same thing that brought them here. They truly believe this is happiness, it is funny to listen to everyone around me say “When I get back out there, I can’t wait to come back up, it won’t take me long, I have a friend, brother, cousin, who will hook me up, and I’ll be back on top. Man, I’m going to do this and that. I see where I went wrong, this time I am going to invest my money, I know what I need to do.�?. I hear this around me almost every day. Hell, I’ve heard this for over seventeen years, it’s amazed me, after all the years or even decades being in prison, one would understand what happiness truly is.
After some years in prison, I realized that just being with my children, having dinner, made me happy. Going flying over the ocean, looking at the sea was happiness. Just hearing my grandchildren’s voice, listening to how excited they are when they talk to me, is happiness. Reading a book that enlightens me, is happiness. Listening to music that brings joy to my thoughts, is happiness. Talking with an old friend brings me happiness. Spending time with God, whether it’s reading my bible or talking to him alone, brings me happiness. The most important thing to remember is happiness is like love, when you experience true love, it’s got nothing to do with what the other person has, it’s a feeling deep inside your heart and soul. Which in return gives every single person who has experiences true love, pure happiness.
