Untitled-346 by Jay Goodman
Something that has amaze me during the last 18 years of my incarceration is how the men around me, except this time without a care in the world. Don’t get me wrong, they don’t like prison. But over time they become complacent with everything around them. They get up every day and just stroll through it without a care in the world. Never thinking about what they’re doing now we’ll have a huge impact on their future.
I have done some reading about how people become institutionalized after serving years in prison. I’m not only studied this, but I have watched the men around me, how they act, how they talk and how they function.
I am also taking a long look at myself. I will have 18 years in prison in just a few months, and I can see the effects of the almost 2 decades I spent in here. And while I seen what was happening to me, I was also smart enough to understand that I could use Institutionalization in my favor. While it’s impossible to escape, becoming institutionalized to a certain extent, one does have a choice in what you allow to dominate your mind and body. After all, we are the only one who can control our actions. My dad taught me that it only takes 40 days to create a habit, and that habit will be something that helps you or destroys you.
Even as a young kid, I can still remember that conversation with my dad. And when I study the effects on long-term incarceration, I realize that what I did with my time in prison would impact how I would be when I left here. I understand after reading this book that no one can escape from becoming institutionalized to a certain degree after serving years in prison. I mean our entire day consist of coming out at a certain time, going to eat at a certain time, going to wreck at a certain time, our days are structured, and everything we do.
Next, I seen how Tex would act on Sunday, when all of the football games were on. There were only two TVs, one for movies, and one for sports. Once a football game was over, a guard would have to come in and change the TV to another station. As soon as one game ended, text, would ask the guard to change the TV. If the guard did not come in right away, text Wood gets so mad that he literally looked like a two-year-old. The guards would see this and would make him wait even longer. I saw firsthand how institutionalized Tex was. He never gave it any thought. I even talk with tax a few times. I pointed out how he was acting and how it made him look. Tex by far wasn’t a stupid man, but after all the years of incarceration, he became a part of his environment. He didn’t think anymore, he only acted to whatever his emotions were.
Like I said earlier, after years or decades of incarceration, a man cannot help, but to become somewhat institutionalized. But we can use this to our favor. I realized it’s important to have a routine, if you don’t have a routine a person will fall into a habit of prison life. Which, in a lot of cases is to sleep too much, watch TV all day, basically do nothing constructive. Once a man falls pray to this type of prison life, he more than likely will spend his entire life behind bars.
From my experience, a person can use this institutionalization to his favor. Because each person has a choice to either follow the masses, or utilize this time to our favor. If each person wants to come to the understanding that they will become institutionalize to a degree, the next question to ask yourself is how do you want this to work for you?
If you are one of those prisoners who get caught up in the prison, life, sleeping, too much, watching TV all day, running in gangs, doing the same shit that brought you here to begin with, then there is a good chance these places will always be your home. But if you use the exact same thing to work in your favor, like disciplining yourself to get up early, exercising daily, studying something that will be of used to you when you leave, reading something that will enlighten your thoughts. If you do these types of things, the exact opposite of institutionalization will happen. There is no third choice, you will either do one or the other. Everything is a choice. This is life’s greatest truth and hardest lesson. It is a great truth, because it shows us the power that we have. No power over others, but the unstrap power over ourselves, and to live the life we have imagined. It is also a hard lesson, because it causes us to realize that we have chosen the life. We are living right now. So, what will you see when you look at your life 10 years from now? What will you choose?
