Was It Worth It? by Jay Goodman

I was wondering if everyone in prison has ever ask themselves this question, was it worth it? I am sure the answer to that is no. It’s odd, because one would think after sitting in prison for years, if not decades, every single man would really look over his life and what he did that led him here and considered whether or not it was worth it. I know for me it’s been a question that I really thought about a lot. It’s also a question that has allowed me to focus on change, and what’s really important in my life.

I believe if everyone in prison was to ask themselves this question, and really look at how they’ve lived, and what they did that brought them here, then look at what they lost because of it, people would quickly see the truth to this simple question. I don’t care who you are, or how much money you made, there is nothing more important than time. If you hope to accomplish anything of importance in life, one Hass to understand how valuable our time truly is. For each individual in prison, this question will be different because of the time they’ve lost. Like for myself, I have 18 years in prison and four months, so what I’ve lost is of more value than someone who has a few months or a few years in prison. Most prisoners don’t get the importance of this question, even though they may occasionally get a glimpse of it when they receive a letter, or have a chance to talk with someone, they really love like their mom, wife, or children. For those 15 minutes, they’ll be happy and realize how much they miss them. Maybe, after they hang the phone up, they will wish they were there with them. The happiness of hearing their voice will bring a smile to their face and will truly feel good. Of course, this feeling will fade because the realization of where they are at in the realization it will be years if not decades before they are back home with the people, they love hits them.

For most of the prisoners, even this will not be enough to make them think about the most important question. Every prisoner needs to ask themselves, was it worth it? Why I don’t believe we should dwell on something we can’t change, or on something that makes us unhappy. It’s very important to know was this worth it? Because once we know the truth, it should be very easy for us to start making the changes in here to never come back. The majority of prisoners spend their time focused on what they believe was fun in the world. They remember the clothes, cars, girlfriends, or whatever it was that they liked. But they forget to realize the consequences of those actions. Instead, most prisoners spend their time talking about what they did, what they had, or what they’re going to do different when they get out. I have only talk with a few people who realize what they lost. These men took a serious look at ` of what they did. And they really took the time and thought about their actions and realized it was not worth it. One guy I met in Texas prison was leaving after 10 years said to me, “Jay, if I would of only made minimum wage this last 10 years, and only cleared 25,000 a year, I would’ve made $250,000. Instead, I sit, in here for selling drugs, and made absolutely nothing. What a waste.�? I thought to myself, here is a man who asked himself. Was it worth it? Because no matter how much money you made, there isn’t a price that one can put on one’s life. All money is, is paper with numbers on it. What good would it do if you die in here? I have taken a serious look at my circumstances, I see what it cost not only me, but my entire family. I watch the years go by and have felt the sting of what I’ve lost. My children have grown and got married, all of my grandchildren have been born since I got here, my two daughters have got married, and I wasn’t there to walk them down the aisle. I wasn’t there by my mother side the night she passed, and the list goes on and on. But no one thing is for sure, I have realized it wasn’t worth it. I have looked at my life, I see what I had and I see what I lost. Never in my life will I do something that will put me in this position again. I understand how precious life is, and I would never do anything that would make me lose one more minute of my life.

The sad thing is many, if not most of the men in here will never ask themselves the simple question.

I wonder if it’s because they don’t want to know the truth. Oddly a lot of people in here would rather live in a fantasy world. Not realizing that it’s only by facing the truth that each man can grow and become a better human being. Fear, hold us back, many people in prison put on a front of a tough man. I hear it almost every day. But most of these men, for whatever reason, won’t take a hard look in the mirror, not physically, but emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. It’s only when we can see the truth about ourselves and about life that we can start making the right decisions for our lives. I realized when I finally asked myself, if what I did was worth it, and really looked at where I was at and what I lost. I knew without a doubt that I would never in my life come back to prison. I also learned when I let my Pasco and started focusing on my future that I had to also change my thinking. What is your most dominant thought? The answer to that question would tell you a lot about who you are and what you are going to do with your life. The thought principal is “thought determines action.�?

If each person wants to really look at the question, I asked, and think about it seriously, I believe they would quickly see the honest truth. There is nothing in life they can replace time lost with our parents, brothers, sister’s, wives, and especially our children. Can any amount of money be worth not being there for our children? I have thought about the past that what I was doing would benefit my children. But after almost 18 years in prison, I have seen they have missed their dad. And, of course, nothing can ever replace the years I’ve lost out of my own life. For some reason no one ever thinks about this in prison, if they do, it’s just a passing thought.

Every day in here, I see prisoners, aimlessly, walk around, getting high, either selling drugs, gambling, watching TV all day, or sitting around talking about what they used to do, or what they’re going to do when they get out. I hear people planning with others and hear about how they will take drugs to the city and be able to supply them once they’re out. It’s always another hassle or another crime. Forget they just lost five, 10, 15 years of their lives, forget that their parents or children have suffered, because they’ve been away all of these years. I understand that people make mistakes after all, I am sitting in prison two. What I don’t understand is how Someone would want to come back to this place ever again? How could you want to put your family through this again? Why everyone in life makes mistakes, I don’t get why one would continue to make the same mistakes over again. It’s like putting your hand in a fire. Once you’ve already been burned, do you expect a different outcome? Take time and ask yourself, was it worth it